A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast. They are both quite startled.The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in Room 221."
* Third Place:*
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see sex therapist to talk
about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and
his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do youremember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
Oh,Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed. Yes, I did." he replied.My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired.""No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the
pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
A couple had been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast
table one morning when the wife says, "Just
think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably
sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered "Let's relive some
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady
"My nipples are as hot for you today as they
were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal